20 Foot Boa Constrictor Coming- Happy 10th B-Day River

Boa "Samson" to big for me to Handle at my place in Puerto Rico.  Thank Goodness April's cool with letting me ship him to Oregon for her son River's 10th Birthday.  Happy 10th buddy!

O.K. Here's the breakdown.

A while back ago I posted FUN WEEKEND, GATORS, OLD SAN JUAN AND THE ANIMAL WISH LIST (see September Posts), and in the end I described how I was bored and hollered at all the Kids, the one's that all my horny friends are constantly reproducing, from all across the U.S. and asked each one of them if they could have any animal, any animal at all, what would it be?

Point is, my man River (Nate and April's Son in Oregon) politely asked for a snake. 

And I mean politely.

What a good kid- you two did well.

 

River, at age uh... I don't know how to tell what a kid's age is- just a while back ago- good enough.

And now Uncle Lincoln's here for you, buddy!

 Now he didn't specify what kind of snake so I politely took it upon myself and assumed he meant something simple and easy-  And what better form of a simple reptile than a 20 Foot Boa Constrictor. 

And today's his Birthday.  And remember people, when it all comes down to it it's always about the Kids, ain't it.  And Uncle Lincoln always delivers.

So I've made arrangements through my various contacts to deliver this sweet little, cold blooded, kitty squeezing, bundle of love to his mother's doorstep AND well... let's just go with the TEXTS his mother and I exchanged once I announced my gracious  and caring gift:

LINK:  Ape, I got Exotic Import and Export Company on the other line and they need to know which House to deliver the 20 Foot Boa Constrictor to for River's B-Day.  So... Nate's house or yours?

Simple and to the point.  I always keep my promise, especially to the kiddos.  And then I get this:

APRIL:  OMG!  I will cut you!

Now with all humility and respect, I ask you guys- is that appropriate.  Where's the love?  So I respond:

LINK:  Chill baby!  I was just kidding- the people at the Export Company  say that Samson (that's his name) is only 18 feet long.(I mean a 20 footer is a little excessive ain't it?)  See Facebook for photos and delivery times.  Luv ya!

Simple, direct and to the point- just ole Uncle Lincoln's style.  I mean what good, honest, fun-loving 10 year old wouldn't love a 20 Foot Boa.  Why all the fuss?

And then the response:

APRIL:  Ha Ha.  I love you Lincoln but I will fly my ass down there and hurt you!

Again, why the negative and violent response.  Maybe it's because I've done a LOT OF MILES with my friend April and she know that there's a good chance that I'm halfway serious.  With this in mind I politely respond:

LINK:  Quit being so selfish my dear.  It's all about the Kids ain't it?  EXOTIC EXPORTS tell me Samson has never bitten anyone ever (just strangled a kitten once) So Trust Me!  Where's the faith?

And she rolls:

APRIL:  You are too much!  He will love it!  Although Samson will need to live with Nathan since we just took in a stray kitten.

Fair Enough.

Now here's the kicker, my dear friend.  This is really happening- in one way or another.  But I do promise, my man River will have his snake. 

Oh yes, buddy, you will have it.

So hold tight.  Have a little faith.  And it's on.

You might just want to lock down the kittens in the neighborhood for a while until Samson gets settle.

Happy Birthday River.  You got a great Mom and Dad there. 

And Uncle Lincoln never forgets.

And niether does Uncle Dave-O!