Drove out to Ocean Park and scoped out Maria's Rock. Nice Waves, probably overhead. But hard to tell from the 2 mile distance between me and the required Paddle out.
View of the break from Beach. Oh, it's out there. No worries. I'm Kayaking and love the paddle. When I want to surf I tow my longboard behind me and then dive down and tie my Kayak to the reef below and paddle the surfboard out from there. But today, it's all yakking. To much exploring to do.
I'm cool...
Wait, no I'm not.
Maria's RockI snap a few photos of the shallow reef below which is probably 3-4 in shallow areas but feels like it's just inches beneath you.
Then I score my first wave. Beauty. Drop in, nice and steep, and zip down the line. Magic, baby, magic.
Oh what a feeling. In a kayak? McD says pussy, but then again he doesn't know these waters, it's still magic and flying is flying, surfing is surfing, and above all gliding is gliding.
Right in the middle of breaking double overhead waves I snap some funny photos as I'm thinking of you.
Photos like these:
Hi Guys!- Buck in Prime Viking Form.
Hey Everyone, Scuba Steve say's "Thumbs Up Here!"Now here's the Kicker.
On that last one I didn't realize a Doozey of a Wave was zinging in behind me and just after I snapped the photo I throw the camera down and paddle (new camera's waterproof and attached to Kayak by leash, at least Dumbass had sense enough to plan for that). I catch the wave just in time to fly down the face, let out a scream, and then get worked like a blind Nun accidentally parachuting into a Turkish prison camp.
WORKED! I get pitched once the falls hit the rear of the Kayak, go back asswards into the wave, and then get worked some more. And if that's not enough, my leash breaks and my Kayak goes flying.
Fucking Piece of Shit K-Mart Leash. I should of upgraded- "Shop Smart- Shop S-Mart."
Damn, I really am a Dumb Ass!Damn, I need to quit smoking. Fucking Marlboro- You drug dealing bastards!
And then the real party begins.
I get back home and get Ryan McDermott's email about the last Post's poetic notes and photos of the Kayaking session the night before.
Rhino: I could bet money that you rubbed one out on the yak!
And then the War begins. It's on!
And oh what a coincidence.
During my little funny kayaking photo tour I managed to snap off a good one, specifically intended for Ryan McDermott only. Sorry for those of you that I involved in this war and original photo. You know who you are and let's just say I know you could handle it. For those of you that didn't see the photo here it is, cropped politely to the right in order to spare the rest of our demented sense of humor:
If I wasn't such a gentleman you'd see the full intended Photo for Rhino not cropped on the right. Hint: DEEZ NUTS! (NOTE: AT LEAST GIVE ME CREDIT FOR ACTUALLY TAKING THE ORIGINAL PHOTO- NOT THE EASIEST THING TO DO WHEN YOUR OUT IT IN THE MIDDLE OF BIG BLUE.)And the beauty of this is that I even took the photo without seeing his email first.
Demented minds think alike.
Of course this was just gold. So I set the trap. Attached the photo and wrote:
LINK: Rhino, Why you gotta say that kinda stuff about me yanking while I'm yakking when in reality I just am so happy with life and where it's taking me. Come on man, everytime I get stoked on something you gotta bust my chops. Had an incredible session today. Caught a double overhead that had me zipping. Actually managed to snap a pic while I was zinging down the line. It was barreling in front of me, just awesome. I was thinking of you the whole time and how much you'd love that moment. Your gonna thank me for this pic for your photo archives. O.K. brother. See attached photo. Hope you enjoy it. -L.
And the trap was set. The money I would of paid to see his reaction when he opened the Pic. From what I heard from him later it was priceless.
And the war continued:
Rhino: I apologize to all of you who had to see that..... Don't feed the monkey or he will keep sending us updates on his gayness!
And without me even having to say anything Good Ole Brian Johnson chimes in.
Brian: hey Ryan!!! you know he gets in your head!!! You know you love it SISSY WILLY!!!!
I'm loving it. It's war for sure now. I jump back in:
LINK: Perhaps Rhino's right. I regretted sending the attachment to all of you, wanting to spare all of this joke except McD, the bastard. Then again, we've all watched him walk around and sporting his ass crack hanging out and his man boobs flapping around (Nate Dog- you know).
Then again, this is The Circle, the O.G.'s of it- and everything is Fair Game. And Rhino, remember, if you feed the Monkey or bring the dirt on this one, I'll bring the Fire and the big guns. We've done a lot of miles together with a lot of photos and collected a lot of blackmail material, so let this one ride for your own good, buddy.
Luv ya all. Thanks for being such good sports. -L.
P.S.- It is The Circle, but oh what a cruel and vicious Cirlcle it can be sometimes. Whoah.
RHINO: Man boobs!!! I have a sweet picture of your belly button but I can't send out the heat just yet...... Luv ya bro!
LINK: Yeah, figured I'd get a reaction on that one (that was Nate Dog's creation a while back ago) and knew it'd raise an eyebrow on your end.
Also figured you'd go with the belly button angle. However, it's not really a sore spot anymore as all this Kayaking and Surfing has allowed me to lose a signifigant amount of weight and drop the Turkey Popper to almost non-existent. Not quite as ripped as I want to be, but let's wait till Thanksgiving when I return to Jax to get a proper assesment. Getting in shape and loving it. Great Motivational tool though.
So I figured we can put this puppy to rest. Otherwise was looking at some old photos of you and some of your Skank harem that I'm sure Shelly would love to see.
Luv Ya too Bro. -L
Now Ryan McDermott knows when the line has been drawn in the sand. He knows me and he knows better. But what does he do. He goes after Brian Johnson instead.
RHINO: Alot of us have smoked a lil herbal from time to time and we know the consequences............. Thats just the Price you have to pay for a big Johnson! Its awesome to see that some of us have become real activists for the "budboob" cause! Can of Worms - enter stage left!
For every action, there's a reaction. Brian responds:
Brian: You know McD, we have know each other for 25+ years. In those years I have collected some good pics...Now I'm not going to give them all away all at once but since i'm part of the 'circle' I figure I'd give some hint where my head is at this moment...Also RYAN, I love the pic and I'm going to put it up on FACEBOOK just to show you how much I like it CRACKER!!!
LINC, I need you to please either forward this to the others or send me the addresses so I can put them in my addresss book.BTW, RYAN WAS 14 IN THESE PICS
All out war from here.
Rhino, in his subtle white flag way, just quotes Army of Darkness, a great movie:
Rhino: Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that? Fuck Stick!
And then I went out surfing.
And the war goes on.
As always, to be continued.
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